Wednesday, 18 September 2013

Sticky Situation

I’ve found myself in a very uncomfortable situation as of late. 
Let me explain. 
One of my best friends used to be friends with this guy. Well, it was more of a ‘textship’ as such, as they never hung out just the two of them or anything, they just texted each other a bit. When asked about it, my friend admitted she had a wee crush on this guy. This crush lasted about a week and wasn’t reciprocated. Nothing happened between the two parties and they stopped texting. (On a side note, this friend of mine is very popular with males. She’s had numerous crushes and numerous males have had crushes on her). This all happened at least 4 months ago, and there have been many other male interests since then.
Anyho, I knew this guy too as we all hung out in a group a couple of times, and he came to my 21st. I ran into him in town a few weekends back and had a fairly decent conversation with him. Numbers were exchanged. Now before anything went further, I asked said friend if she was ok with me talking to him etc etc. She said it was fine. So I accepted a brunch and then dinner date with this guy. And I started to get excited and happy and started to like this guy. I had dinner with my friend the other night and my date came up and my friend seemed fine and supportive of the whole thing, and was telling me of her recent dating ventures. I again asked her how she felt about the whole situation, and she said she was sweet as with it. All kosher.
The next day I got a text from my friend telling me she was not ok with me hanging out with this guy, that it was disrespectful, that she never wanted to hear me talk about him, that it was something a friend should never do, and that I’ve fully ruined our friendship. 
Here’s what I don’t understand:
  • If you aren’t ok with something, why would you tell me it was fine?
  • I know friends ex’s are off-limits (it’s like friend code), but friends of friends? I didn’t realize there was some rule there.
  • If it was a brief crush, ages ago, and she’s over it, what’s the big deal? I’ve had lots of crushes in my life, and if one of my friends started liking one of them I would honestly be fine with it, cause I’m over them
  • Why can’t my friend be happy for me? Does she really have to ruin my excitement? 
It just makes me really sad. And I hate stupid drama like this and I don't know how to handle it. 
What do you think of the situ, readers? Advice/thoughts would be appreciated.


  1. Awww, that's such a hard situation. And a frustrating one! I think some people cover up their feelings because they are afraid of showing how they really feel - maybe she put on a front that she was okay, and then it all became a bit much and she had to tell you. But it's silly. She should have been up front with it and she shouldn't blame you for going ahead with it, because she said it was okay.

    I hope it works out, girl! x

    1. Thanks jimmylou, I hope it works out too :) x

  2. Hmmm. That's a tough one! On one hand.. WHOOPEEE! Excited for you! Dinner date and everything!! :D But on the other, your friend..

    Here are my thoughts: Maybe sit down and have a talk with her. Straighten it out - See where she really stands?

    I mean, if her crush lasted about a week, wasn't reciprocated, was at least 4 months ago, and she's had heaps of other crushes since then.. Logically, it should be okay - It's not like they were exclusive or anything of the sort.

    However, her saying that you've 'ruined' your friendship and that she wasn't okay with you hanging out with this guy, that it was disrespectful etc - It says that maybe she liked him more than she let on? And maybe she's feeling a bit dejected because he's showing that he's interested in you, but didn't show interest in her. Maybe she was trying to be okay with you guys, but then she couldn't put aside how she felt? Or even if she was okay with it, maybe it kind of hurt/hit a nerve/made her feel embarrassed that she did like him and it wasn't reciprocated? And maybe it says something more about her - like brings up feelings of insecurity etc if she's comparing herself to you, and therefore is projecting it on to you?

    I don't know, but whatever it is, in my opinion, I think your best bet would be to have a real honest chat about it. That way you know where she stands, and maybe she can see your side of things? Although, if things didn't happen between her and him, then she really shouldn't be hating on you for hanging out with this guy. But feelings are feelings - Always silly, stupid and irrational when it comes to situations like these!

    Hope it works out for the best! xx

    1. I would love to sit down and talk to her about it, but she won't speak to me and has said that if we hang out she doesn't want to hear me talk about him. Argh. I just think she's being really unreasonable.

  3. If you really love this friend of yours and want to keep her in your life, the only thing I can really think of is to talk about it. I know that's difficult, though, because she won't talk about it! I was recently in a situation, however, where things escalated because nobody would talk about how they felt until eventually, things blew up, so talking really is the only way I can think of fixing this.

    I do think that however your friend is feeling, she should have been upfront and real with you, rather than letting it get to this stage without saying anything. She owes you an apology for that. You have made it clear that you don't want to overstep boundaries at several points, so I don't think you did anything wrong.

    Talking I think is the way to go. Perhaps make it clear at this moment that you want to and are willing to talk to her when she is ready, but you won't sacrifice your new relationship in the meantime, you owe it to yourself to do whatever makes you happy. Make it clear that you are willing to hear her out and listen when she is ready to talk to you, but don't take no for an answer; she WILL talk to you about how she feels, or nothing will be resolved. Tell her her friendship is important and that is why you want to talk to her about this.

    Sorry this is anonymous, but I hope this helps and that it all works out. x


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