Losing faith

I am well and truly on my way to losing faith in relationships. My flatmate just broke up with his girlfriend of two years and we all thought they'd be the ones to get married. My other flatmate's friend just broke up with his long-term girlfriend, but not before he'd cheated on her. ugh. After a string of idiots one of my good friends started seeing a lovely guy and then he got a job in Auckland and moved away.

And me? Well, my story is the main reason I'm losing faith.

xx

This.

Three Things You Can Do When He’s Getting Emotionally Distant

The good news is that we can look at this as a gift.  It’s the gift of a clear message that things aren’t quite right.  It’s like getting sick – when our bodies are telling us that something’s wrong; we’re working too much, we’re too stressed, or maybe we’re not eating well.  And we can then take steps to correct the imbalance.  The message here is similar – you’re both on different pages, and there’s an imbalance that needs to be corrected.  And whether we like it or not, what we’re seeing is who he is and where he’s at right now.  And that’s the point.  The present.   Right now.  That ideal we have in our mind, those dreams we’ve got – they’re all ours, not his.  And whether he’d be the perfect guy for us if he’d just be more attentive isn’t the point.  He’s showing us what he’s capable of right now. And that is the point.

So what do we do in this situation?  Well, there are basically three avenues we can take.

Be direct and ask him.

If you’re feeling like he’s distancing himself and the two of you are losing the connection you once had, well, you’re most likely right.  Our instincts are usually spot-on in this regard.  So we know he’s not where we are, not on that same page as us right now, and he’s not quite sure how to let us know except by putting some distance between us.  The reason for this is because he’s insecure too!  He afraid to tell us how he’s feeling directly; he’s not a guy who’s in touch with his feelings and can say what’s going on.  So go ahead and tell him how you’re feeling, and ask him why things have changed.  If you take this route, be prepared and open to hear the truth.  He may say that he’s having second thoughts about the relationship.  He may be feeling like the relationship is moving too quickly, and he wants to slow things down a little.  He may be afraid he’s losing his freedom.  Maybe an ex has re-entered the picture.  If the answer is any of these, just know that knowing the truth earlier is always better, and it will save you a lot of anxiety and even more heartbreak down the road.

He may also say that he feels that nothing has changed.  This may be because he’s not in touch with his feelings or aware of his own changes in behavior, or it may be that he’s now being his true self and he’s just not capable of giving you more than you’re getting from him right now.  If this is the case, this gives you a chance to re-evaluate the relationship while it’s still early and recognize that you may be looking for something from him that he just won’t be able to give you.  It may also be that he’s not comfortable with this type of direct communication.  If you’re the type of person that wants to be able to communicate freely and openly, then this is a sure sign that the relationship will be on a rocky road.

On the other hand, you may find out that the answer’s more benign, and you were worried for nothing.  Maybe he’s had some stressful situations at work that have had him preoccupied.  Or maybe he’s had some personal or family health issues that he hasn’t felt comfortable discussing yet.  Finding out now will help to relieve your anxiety and may even wind up bringing the two of you closer than ever.  Again, knowing the truth is always better than second guessing or attempting mind-reading, which we all know never works!

If you’re not ready to tackle things head-on just yet, there’s another good option.

Focus on yourself.

The second choice is to let it ride while making up the difference with your own life.  Enjoy yourself, pursue your own interests, follow your own passions, expand your world.  Take a break from thinking about the relationship and go to that art gallery you’ve been wanting to check out or take that dance class you’ve been thinking about.  In this way you’ll be discovering your true self while at the same time giving him the space he seems to be asking for.  And then take some time to reassess what you’re really getting out of this relationship.  After getting a little space and distance from the relationship yourself, you may find that you’ve gained more clarity and realize that it’s not all that after all.

On the other hand, you may find that this bit of distance between you actually brings you closer together when the two of you are together.  One thing that men love is a woman who has her own life.  And having your own life will make you more confident about who you are and what you want out of life, which men also find very attractive.

And if all else fails, there is a third thing you can do.

Let it go.

If he’s gotten so distant that the writing’s clearly on the wall, just let him go.  Even if he shows so much potential.  And do it without hard feelings, since it truly is a gift.  Because as hard as it is to admit it to ourselves sometimes, some relationships are just not meant to be.  As hard as it can be to give up the dream of what the relationship could have been, at least in our minds, sometimes we find ourselves falling for guys that are just not the ones for us.  And you deserve better than that.  Better than settling for something that’s less than the real thing. Better than settling for someone who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated.  Because there really is someone out there who will treat you better than that.  Someone who’s waiting for you to come along as much as you’re waiting for him.

http://www.gettingtotruelove.com

It's now out in the open

So the other day at work it all came out.

The issue at work that I’ve mentioned on here came to boiling point and I broke down completely and utterly. In total I had four major cry episodes throughout the day. I haven’t cried that much in years. Safe to say, Tuesday wasn’t fun at all.

Good things that came from it:

-          Manager is now aware of how I feel

-          Others in the office backed me up

-          I’m not bottling it all up anymore

Bad things that came from it:

-          Person in question wasn’t sympathetic at all, didn’t seem to think anything was wrong

-          Lots of people saw me cry

So it remains to be seen whether anything changes or not.

Ugh. Life.

xx

From the woe files

Ok, if you're sick of my constant complaining on here, don't read on. I've warned you. Therefore, if you're reading on, you have no right to get annoyed at me. ok? cool.

I want my dark hair back!!! When it was dark it was smooth and shiny and healthy and thick. My hair is now soooooo thin and not the nicest colour and straw-like. And it makes me sad when I see girls with lovely hair because I get very jealous.

I am super impatient when it comes to my hair, I just want long luscious locks asap!!

OH WOE IS ME
(first world problem I know)

xx

Woes

My car has been written off. On my way home from work last Thursday, a woman failed to give way to me at a busy intersection and plowed right into my car, completely screwing up the front right wheel and side panel. It was really scary, and I was shaking like crazy afterwards. It’s eerie because I’d been talking to my workmate less than an hour earlier about how you can do all you can to be a safe driver, but can’t control how other people drive. Then boom, car gets written off. I also remember thinking a few days prior that everything in life was going pretty smoothly. Then boom, everything is complicated by a car accident.

I’m really lucky though. My flatmate pointed out to me that if I’d been hit a bit further back, on the car door, I could have broken my leg. And then I wouldn’t have been able to go to Thailand. Now THAT would have been depressing.

xx

Sticky Situation

I’ve found myself in a very uncomfortable situation as of late. 

Let me explain. 

One of my best friends used to be friends with this guy. Well, it was more of a ‘textship’ as such, as they never hung out just the two of them or anything, they just texted each other a bit. When asked about it, my friend admitted she had a wee crush on this guy. This crush lasted about a week and wasn’t reciprocated. Nothing happened between the two parties and they stopped texting. (On a side note, this friend of mine is very popular with males. She’s had numerous crushes and numerous males have had crushes on her). This all happened at least 4 months ago, and there have been many other male interests since then.

Anyho, I knew this guy too as we all hung out in a group a couple of times, and he came to my 21st. I ran into him in town a few weekends back and had a fairly decent conversation with him. Numbers were exchanged. Now before anything went further, I asked said friend if she was ok with me talking to him etc etc. She said it was fine. So I accepted a brunch and then dinner date with this guy. And I started to get excited and happy and started to like this guy. I had dinner with my friend the other night and my date came up and my friend seemed fine and supportive of the whole thing, and was telling me of her recent dating ventures. I again asked her how she felt about the whole situation, and she said she was sweet as with it. All kosher.

The next day I got a text from my friend telling me she was not ok with me hanging out with this guy, that it was disrespectful, that she never wanted to hear me talk about him, that it was something a friend should never do, and that I’ve fully ruined our friendship. 

Here’s what I don’t understand:

• If you aren’t ok with something, why would you tell me it was fine?
• I know friends ex’s are off-limits (it’s like friend code), but friends of friends? I didn’t realize there was some rule there.
• If it was a brief crush, ages ago, and she’s over it, what’s the big deal? I’ve had lots of crushes in my life, and if one of my friends started liking one of them I would honestly be fine with it, cause I’m over them
• Why can’t my friend be happy for me? Does she really have to ruin my excitement? 

It just makes me really sad. And I hate stupid drama like this and I don't know how to handle it. 

What do you think of the situ, readers? Advice/thoughts would be appreciated.

xx

Gossip Girl

So today I finally finished Gossip Girl. All 6 seasons done. It's funny because I always looked at the show with disdain (maybe because everyone was so into it and I wasn't allowed to watch it) and thought it looked like a stupid, cheesy soap opera. But once I started watching it this year, I got addicted. Well and truly. I can't really pinpoint what exactly it is about the show that I love so much. I don't particularly like any of the characters, and the storyline isn't all that amazing. I did, however, fall in love with the lives of the characters, so I guess that's it. Their clothes, their social calendar, the constant drama. I guess in a sense I was living vicariously through them, as it's so far from my own life. And in that sense it was escapism for me.

The final episode. My goodness. It was perfect.

A bit sad now that it's all over.

xx

Lows and Highs

So we’re over halfway through the year. And my goodness it’s gone by quickly. It’s been a rollercoaster of sorts for me. There have been massive highs and massive lows.

In the low corner:

We have boys, income and weight. All the usual suspects.  The year got off to a slow start job-wise after finishing my degree in 2012. It was pretty tough there for a while without much income coming in, which meant I was eating into my savings a fair bit. I still had the job I’d entertained whilst studying, but the hours weren’t enough. Seeing my bank balance diminish was not fun, and it was getting to be a source of stress the longer it went on.

Unfortunately, over the last year I met a boy who I liked more than I’ve ever liked a boy before. Not going to lie, I had high hopes. These hopes were dashed. Not once, but three times. The boy who I thought was lovely and sweet turned out to be completely selfish and mean. Not to mention the most confusing person I’ve ever come across. I shed a few tears over this boy, which I know is completely stupid. And the worst part about it all is that I still hold him on a pedestal. Argh! Some of my lowest of the low moments were because of this boy. And that annoys me immeasurably. Fortunately said boy no longer resides in the same city as me.

Weight is a constant struggle of mine. It weighs (…cringe…) on my mind all the time and is where much of my self-esteem issues stem from. I know I’m not fat but my ideal body is very far from where I am at the moment. I know that weight is so unimportant in the scheme of things and doesn’t define who I am but it’s still something I seem to see as being very significant and thus I feel pretty stink about it at times.

In the high corner:

We have income and travel. After doing a bit of experience at the local paper, I was offered a 35 hour/week job. This has enabled me to build my savings again. It’s also been excellent in terms of getting articles published. This will help me build a portfolio and increase my job prospects in the future. There have also been some very exciting days on the job, which has resulted in being on the 6pm news and interviews with Stan Walker, Ruby Frost and Benny Tipene (household names here in NZ). Days like that make me so excited about my area of work.

A recent high is that I’m going to Thailand at the end of this year! I’ve wanted to travel for so long and am now finally getting to do it. South East Asia looks like such a fascinating place and it’s a massive  understatement to say that I'm excited. I'm going with a really good friend of mine and one of her mates and it is going to be just amazing. We are going to get lost in a different culture. I can't wait.

 
I think the last couple of years have been particularly formative for me, as what has been in my path has really solidified my beliefs, values and personality. Even the tough times teach you things about yourself, and how you'd approach a certain situation differently in future. And I'm incredibly blessed to have the most amazingly supportive friends and family. I can't even imagine life without them.
xx

A question

I have a question for you. It's about relationships. I wonder, how do you know when you should enter into one? Do you have to have feelings to begin with, or can they develop? Should you 'date' first and let the feelings develop then enter into the relationship? It's ok to be super selective, right?

argh...so complicated...

^^ ??

xx

Chivalry

So my friend and I watched The Notebook the other night (prob my 6th time or so). While the movie itself made me sad, something else that made me sad was noticing just how dead chivalry is within modern society. The way that Noah chases Allie and woos her is just adorable, and made even more so to modern viewers because it's such a rarity nowadays. I know the movie is set in the 40s and society has changed, which is to be expected of course, but this is something that shouldn't have changed. These days if a girl holds back at all it's "too much effort" and they're quickly forgotten. That's not to say it's all the fault of males though. Girls are definitely 'easier' these days too, meaning the guy doesn't have to make as much effort and therefore gets used to making less effort....it's a vicious cycle.

I know this is not always the case, and there are exceptions (though few and far between). One of my close friends is actually currently being pursued by a guy who is making every effort. It's super cute. Unfortunately she isn't really keen, but still, I commend his efforts and respect his determination!! And you never know, all his efforts might just pay off in the end.

I wish we could go back to the days where guys took girls out to dinner and the movies and bought them flowers and made all sorts of efforts to win them over. And I don't think it would be too hard to get back to that, cause if a guy really likes a girl he will make an effort. And if girls weren't so loose then guys would have the opportunity and motivation to do so.

You may agree or disagree, which is fine, but you can't argue with the fact that chivalry is rather rare these days. And I think that's sad.
xx

Lecrae - Like that

Why you let him get you like that?

Why you let him treat you like that?

He's a stone cold player

That's a no no no no

:( :( :(

A Tragedy

This school shooting over in Conneticut. Such a tragedy. So many innocent lives lost, lives that could have gone on to achieve greatness. I just cannot fathom how someone can be drawn to commit mass murder like that, and I (along with MANY others) am frustrated at the lenient gun laws over in the US. It's such a culture over there, a gun culture, and it's completely ridiculous that such a deadly weapon can be purchased so easily. I really hope that this leads to a reform of the laws.

Also, I bet this would have been classified as an act of terrorism if the guy had been an Arab (a frustration with US media that I could go on and on about)
R.I.P to all those who lost their lives in the shooting.
xx

Money Woes

Although I do enjoy the festive season, it is made significantly less enjoyable for me because all manner of expenses seem to occur during the period. On top of buying Christmas presents and travel costs etc, my car rego had to be paid recently (almost $300...sob..) and my WOF is due soon which I need to get two tyres for...waaa. Plus having my new smartphone and not realising that it would let me go over the limit on my plan has led to a huge first bill.

I hate money. It's so depressing.
Sorry to be so full of complaints! Actually pretty happy atm :)

^^^^ Cute!!

xx